“I WANT TO SPEAK!” said Jemilee.

 

“YOU CAN’T, no one will ever UNDERSTAND you” a voice said.

 

“I WANT TO SPEAK AS LOUD AS I CAN!” said Jemilee.

 

“YOU CAN’T, no one will ever HEAR YOU” a voice said.

 

“I WANT TO SPEAK THE TRUTH!” said Jemilee.

 

“YOU CAN’T, no one will ever BELIEVE YOU!” a voice said.

 

“I WANT TO SPEAK THE REAL ME!” said Jemilee.

 

“YOU CAN’T, no one will ever CARE FOR YOU” a voice said.

 

These thoughts were the things she usually hears from everyone around her. Her parents tried their hardest to understand her but couldn’t and her siblings joked about her, all the time. The whole town joked about her. Despites all that, she was still smiling…

 

At first, I couldn’t understand everything she says, and all the words came out of her mouth were blurry. Later on, I completely understand her, and her parents were grateful that she finally found a friend. My stepfather never approved of our friendship and my mother was too scared to approve of our friendship. At least, my sister discreetly approved. So, I always sneaked out just to see her and she was always worth the trouble.

 

One day, she disappeared without a single trace and everyone joyed and cheered. They even threw a party in honor of her disappearance. During that evening, I went to her house and saw her parents crying. Everything inside was such a despair of sadness that reflected on what her parents felt. Her parents were mad at the whole town for not empathizing with them including her siblings. Her mother gave me a letter from Jemilee. I went to her room for me to feel her spirit while reading this letter.

 

The letter said:

 

Dear Lumber,

            Thank you for understanding, thank you for listening, thank you for believing in me, thank you for caring, I love you and I miss you…

            Look for another tree, another sunset, and another stone…

            My heart will always be yours…

            Move on with your life and find another soul to cherish…

            Captured by your daring smile…

            May your wish will forever come true…

Love,
Jemilee

 

 

I was hesitated to believe that she was gone. I looked at her window and found myself staring at a tree in her backyard.

 

For days, my mind was picturing that very same tree. I went to her backyard and saw the tree at last. I never noticed a hole in the tree before since I’ve been here a million times. Inside that hole, there was a note saying “Come to me, my letter will be your guide…” This note made me genuinely believe that she’s still alive. I left the town and went on journey to save her.

 

I went to the place where we always looked at the sunset. We always sat by the lake while we rest our backs on the tree. The tree had carvings with our initials to remind us of our friendship that will last through death. As I look at the sunset, the sun brightly shined at me.  I almost wanted to see her once more. I looked at my right side on where she always leaned at my shoulders. I spotted something bright in the piles of rocks. As I looked over, there was one rock that’s different. The rock was shaped like a heart and I took out my magnifying glass and saw writings.

 

The writings said:

 

You held my heart closely and time to break my heart…

 

My heart was confused because I never wanted to break her heart. I held our matching heart-shaped locket that she gave me last Christmas and I gave her as well on that very same Christmas. I thought, she wanted me to break the locket that she gave me. As I smashed the locket with the very same rock, the locket released a mist of magic forming to her figure and speaking out her voice. I hugged her, and I fell down since she was just a mist.

 

Jemilee said “I met a cunning wizard who gave me one wish. That wish didn’t turn out the way I expected to be. I asked him again for a wish to start over from the beginning. He would grant my wish in exchange for my soul. In the process, I lost my freedom and my life as well. He did give me a chance to start over in this world but different.”

 

I said to her “What did you wish for, anyways? How stupid you could be to go beyond that one wish? If that wish was because of me, don’t ever do it. I’d rather sacrifice everything I had for you to be happy.”

 

Jemilee said “I wished to alter my life. He did warn me about the possible effects, but I didn’t listen. I always thought that my life would be better without this burden that I had. I became the person that I hated to become. We never became friends. So, I wished to start over. He said he would grant my wish in exchanged for my soul. In the process, I lost my freedom and my life. My life that you know is a fake. My words are blurry and that’s my added punishment for asking one more wish. Much worse than I am used of having.”

 

I said to her “I know, you been wondering about the what ifs. But it will let you fantasize and forget about reality. How can I save your soul from that wizard? Why did you disappear? Ever since you disappeared, your parents miss you and I miss you. We’re the only ones who care about you.”

 

Jemilee said “You don’t know anything! Follow the mist of my soul. ‘Till then, you’ll have all the answers. Before you go in, remember on who you are to me and what am I to you.”

 

I have been following the mist for one year. I was fourteen years old when I left, and my mother would probably worry about me. But I don’t care if she worried or not. My stepfather would beat me up anyway and my mother was busy at her job to even bothered. I am nothing without her and she’s the only friend I ever had. If I stayed there, I’ll be depressed and would hear a lot of mean things about her. My life was always with her but never gotten the chance to tell her.

 

I’ve been following the mist of her soul that I didn’t stop to think. I am so tired of walking for miles when I stop to think. I think of the days that we were happy. The days were everything was perfect. She is the one that I genuinely love. She is the girl that I want to spend my life with. She is everything to me. I thought of all those things that would lead me to her.

 

The wizard greeted me, and I saw her trapped. Trapped like cage animal wanting to be free. She has wounds and scars, thin and weak, pale, and distressed. She looked like a person who has seen death over and over again that still smiles. I looked at her with fear in my heart and love in my eyes.  As I ran to her, she wiped her tears off. She probably didn’t want me to see her crying and sad.

 

Jemilee spoke with a scratchy voice and love in her eyes “I need you to wake up. Wake up in reality. Leave me here and move on with your life. Find another soul to cherish and to love. You must move on without me in your life. Its hard to let got but I’ll be watching you closely. Please, I’m begging you to move on with your life. You deserve to live more than me and take care of my parents”

 

I never wanted to move on without her, but I must. I kept on saying the words “I love you” to her…

 

I woke up in a hospital bed. I saw my mother standing beside me. Her parents looked at me directly with a gentle smile. I asked her mother about her since I knew her father would be devastated to say it. Her mother looked at me sadly and told me that she killed herself, a few weeks ago. And I followed her in her footsteps by killing myself with a gun which led me here in the first place.

 

They told me that I am stupid to follow her in heaven including her parents as well. She’s the one that kept me from killing myself. I always hated my life and I’m always angry at myself for not able to speak what I wanted to say. I am trapped like her and wondered if I ever going to be free, someday. Knowing that she was gone, I can’t help myself to die. As she said in my dreams, I would try my hardest to move on with my life.

 

The positive aspect on this situation was my mother kicked out my stepfather. My mother found out through my suicide note that I left in my bedroom. I don’t know on how I managed to stay alive and losing her was worse than death.

 

As soon as I got out from the hospital, I went to her grave and said to her “Here are your favorite flowers, my love. I always thought of a dream wherein I’m your knight in shining armor. Rescuing you from your daily struggles. I never thought of you would be the one to save me. You saved me by telling me that it’s okay for me to move on without you. You saved me by telling me to look at the good things that life offered me. I would try my hardest to move on, my days would be filled in thinking of you and what you would do right now, if you were still here…”

 

On September 10, 1895 in Wanbourne, England, this day marked her fourth death anniversary. And, this day would be marked as the day I killed myself. I tried to live my life without her, but all those years were wasted. I missed her too much to let myself die. I couldn’t move on with my life without her. I love her, and I always will.

 

As I point the gun in my heart, the same gun that I used before. I followed her footsteps or rather she followed mine. On the sunset that we always looked at, and the best thing about this place was far from civilization. Free from people who would try to stop me. Free from everything that doesn’t matter. I failed to follow her last wish. Nevertheless, I’ll be with her for eternity and hoping, she would understand on what I’m about to do. I’ll be looking down with her by my side upon the things that we left behind…